Friday, July 13, 2012
First, thank you to all the people who have commented on the last post for Strength. It has worked. Sophie's vet called me tonight to confirm that indeed, Soph has malignant melanoma in the back of her mouth. To his best knowledge it hasn't gone into her lymph nodes. A positive. Best case, 6 months, or..2.
The shock has finally started to leave and my caring instincts taking over as they did with our Chocolate Fergus last year. Another positive, it's not effecting her brain so she knows us unlike Fergus. I'll be able to take Sophie with me to my studio daily so she and I can just be together.
You wonder sometime as your pets start to get older, how will it end. Now I know. I think in knowing, even though my heart aches, I can give my all to her and never question was there anything else I could have done.
Please keep the positive thoughts for strength coming. I know there will be many days I will need it.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Did I know? Maybe. When you love deeply you sense things others miss. I knew it with my two children and I now know it with my Labs. My Muse, Sophie.
She is why I paint Labs. She saved me from my grief of loosing my parents 6 days apart. We have ribbons from our agility trails that she hated but did for me. She waits for me to come home daily and when I come through the door she wags and smiles. I bend over and she gives me a "human" kiss hello.
She started drooling a few days ago and seemed to be in pain. I thought it was her legs or maybe arthritis. Then she didn't want her cookie or a cheese doodle I always shared with her. Two days ago she didn't want breakfast. That evening she ate her rice and chicken. It must be a sore tummy.
Today we went to the vets. My Muse, my Sophie, has oral cancer. She is having a biopsy in the morning to be sure. Our wildest hope is it's a terrible infection but I did see it in the back of her throat and I was horrified and knew it was something awful.
Oral cancer is fast growing and invasive and may already be in her lungs. After reading when I got home I did see that it could be from the foods they eat. The crap the big companies put in their food as fillers.
But that insanity doesn't change that my Soph is dying.
One week? Two? They say about 65 days. Fergus 1 year anniversary?
Tonight the tears flow , along with the wine. I mosshed her food and gave her more than she is allowed and she devoured it. Then I chewed some cheese doodles and shared those with her. I need to be strong for her so when it's time for her to be with Fergus and Ray's Mr. Shaq, whom she adored, I'll be able to do it.
So, commissions will be done, paintings will be painted. .I just won't be chatting as much. Please just pray that I get the strength to let my girl go with the dignity she so deserves.